NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

Life is predictably unpredictable!

I have had many ‘nervous breakdown’ like everyone else in the world. I will have many more to face before I bid adieu the earth. Each one of us have our own set of problems as destined. Each time I have been down, nature has always inspired the within to make me stand strong to face the unexpected. The only person who will understand the miseries, sorrows, pain and trauma of breaking down in life is the individual, while the world will judge in their own sweet ways with different interpretations.

Life of an orphan is very painful and full of sorrows. However, I must confess that I have been very unfortunate to have never been loved by my own mother. I may never know the real reasons behind her dislike and hatred towards me. I will have to live the rest of my life with this pain and sorrow and be grateful to my destiny. Grateful? Yes, grateful because my destiny has been very kind to have provided me with tremendous amount of love by my friends’ mothers, brothers, sisters, families, friends, beautiful angels, village children, villagers, poor and rich (stars, architects and interior designers) people and even strangers. I am certainly very-very grateful to each one of them for having been ‘the’ part of my destiny. I thank my Sai Baba from the bottom of my heart to bless my destiny in such a wonderful way! I am fortunate to be born unfortunate!

Many a times, when I am all alone, recollecting my past, the emotional side of me yearns for the loving embrace of my mother with all her love. Sadly though, I have never experienced my mother’s love in my life. Tears full of sorrows often become my only companion during such times breaking me down for days, weeks, months and even years. Deep down I know, the yearning will never be fulfilled and I will have to live with the pain forever. I pity my mother’s plight for not having loved me! I know, you all must be wondering why I am writing such a personal post recollecting the pain and sorrows of my past. Deep down, I have been crying uncontrollably since the last few weeks, having sleepless nights and ‘the’ feeling of helplessness lingers my heart. Only an orphan will understand what I am going through. I pray with all my heart to my Sai Baba that HE should never give any ‘nervous breakdown’ to anyone in the world.

When I look back at my destiny, the only thing I think of is to be grateful to my mother for not having loved me. I may have been unfortunate for not been lucky to get my mother’s love but in many ways my destiny became ‘fortunate’. Because of her, the world has showered me with infinite love – be it my priceless friends, friends’ mothers, brothers, sisters, families, beautiful angels, village children, villagers, strangers, poor and rich people! This unselfish love has been responsible to shape up my ‘destiny’ to make me who I am today. I wish to thank each one of you for being ‘the’ wonderful part of my destiny from the bottom of my heart.

The sorrows and sleepless nights will continue for many more weeks, even months and years. I will have to live with it and put in every effort to overcome it in due course of time. It certainly isn’t easy and will not be easy because I am an emotional person by nature. I yearn for the love like everyone else does. Love of one’s own mother is perhaps the most precious ‘love’ anyone can ever describe. Why my own mother has not loved me while my friends’ mothers have showered selfless love to me is indeed hard to understand and fathom. I wish to thank all my friends, who have shown great heart to share the love of their mothers’ love with me with no malaise or envy. Destiny of an individual is hard to decipher. I am clueless!

Daniela Nischik * Alice ferland * Shellie Parkhurst * Judy Short McDowell * Sue Bullock * Suzan Zoey Jacobs * Elise Phillips * Angela McKay * Frederique de Cayeux * Yovonne Scarlett * Julie Jensen * Catherine Ritlaw * Laura Snyder Klutey * Charlene Abeita * Eva Jasmin A Canazares * Laure Aubert * Nia Ly * Mandy Rukwa * Claudette Gravel *Lyd Heide * Kira Molkeir * Anuradha Shukla Vajpeyi * Morgan Griffith * Kellie Gorosh * Hacha C Norris * Marlene Moretti * Toni Crawford --- One will wonder these are some of my wonderful Facebook friends, who were more disturbed to know I was on a ‘nervous breakdown’. Few of them kept writing me personal mails to keep enquiring about my condition. I have no words to describe how emotional their ‘LOVE’ made me through this tough time. I wish to thank each one of them for loving me, even without having met me in person. They are from all over the world. Sai Baba bless you all my dear-dear friends and I love you all from the abyss of my heart.

Then there are amazing friends like Satpal Singh * Preet * Saowalak * Jojosan * Ashish Prakash * Swapnil Barai * Agith Antony * Surendra Singh * Raju Mishra * Palak Jha * Dr. Pavan Patrick * Vipula Bhargava Kumar * Vishu Gurram * Pavan Verma * Alka Arora --- who have given me all kinds of words of wisdom to come out of my nervous breakdown and keep my morale high. They keep in touch regularly and try to cheer my mood swing. I feel blessed to have such amazing friends, who have cared for me all these years. I am truly-truly grateful to my Sai Baba for having blessed my ‘Destiny’ with such beautiful angelic friends. Sai Baba bless you all my beautiful friends. My heart is filled with emotions, emotions that I can never describe in words.

How long this ‘nervous breakdown’ will last? I really don’t know. I am putting in my best efforts to overcome it but…

My “Journey of Destiny” will continue as we have no choice but to move forward. The pain, sorrows, miseries and trauma will continue to haunt all my life. I will have to live with them all by myself. All I can do is to be grateful to my destiny and everyone who has touched my life with their angelic ways to make me a better person instead of turning me into a sadist. I know my Sai Baba will always be by my side to provide the strength to face the unexpected and guide me towards the right path. Sai Baba I feel blessed for being guided by YOU towards the right path.

My commitment towards the farmers’ community will never diminish till my life is able to help them in whatever small ways I can with the help of beautiful angels. My weakness of being emotional has made me a stronger individual to face more such obstacles destiny has thrown and will throw at me. I feel blessed in true sense for being the chosen one to face all such obstacles. Trust me, many will never even think in the wildest of their dreams, forget about daring enough to take the ‘Journey of my Destiny’.

The ‘Journey of Destiny’ continues…