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I know you all must be wondering as to what happened to me since the past two weeks... there is a complete silence on my part. I am extremely sorry for keeping such a long silence ever since I started this movement.
Even before Navratri celebration started, first my net connection went kaput and since then it has been so slow that I am not even able to open any website... I am posting this post from a cyber cafe. During Navratri, there was a continuous spate of farmers’ suicide in the region almost every single day and each time I read about them in paper, I wondered! For reasons unknown I felt very helpless for not able to save the precious lives of all those farmers who succumbed to suicide. This helplessness drove me to a depression as I became very-very emotional... on top of that two French students from France arrived on the day of Dushera to study problems of Vidarbha farmers.
The fact that I had to be strong and lead the French students to show around villages and interact with villagers, took one long week. There were personal problems also that I had to sort out and things were just going out of hands. I kept asking Sai Baba... WHY? When will You stop taking lives of the farmers? On one hand, I was taking the French students in various villages and on the other hand, I was depressed and felt so much of helplessness for not able to do anything to save all those farmers’ lives. Since the past seven months, I have never felt in such a way... I presume my emotional human side couldn’t hold the courage to see what was happening in various villages of various districts. Crops have failed due to excessive rains in some regions of Vidarbha and farmers are clueless as why even God is against them.
These past two weeks went on so long for me that it seemed like an endless journey. While I smiled at kids in the villages, the smile was surely not mine... it was more a robotic smile that was so-so emotionless... I felt sorry for self for not able to do anything at all. I know I cannot save farmers from succumbing to suicide and how I wish I was able to do something... The helplessness surely was driving me crazy and making me depressed. The only good thing that happened in the past two weeks was that the first beneficiary of the movement Miss Sheetal Ramji Barde of Salod village was given the bank account form so we could open a fixed deposit for her higher education and hopefully this week all the formalities will be completed. Yes, this
was the only thing that made me felt good that we are able to take the first step towards a better future for Vidarbha suicide farmers’ families.
Journey of the French students in various villages will follow in my next posts...
Monday, October 25, 2010
HELPLESSNESS AND DEPRESSING MOOD DURING PAST TWO WEEKS (25th October 2010, 1725 Hrs)
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Hey,
ReplyDeleteUnlike everyone else who tried to cheer you up, I would say in a way it was good that you felt the way you did. Sometimes, it is very important for us to take out the depression and helplessness as only then we are stronger and much more positive than before. It is perfectly fine for you to react the way you did, however please do remember that our moment has just started and hence as of now it is not possible for you to be responsible for saving every farmers life...we are working towards building a better future, so the path is bound to be with roadblocks and struggle.
Both Sai Baba and Me are always with you and we know that tomorrow will definately be better than Yesterday and even TODAY.
God Bless and lots and lots and lots of love and a biiiiiggggggggg hug :)
Muito obrigado Tejal... don't worry, I am alright now and thank you so-so much for understanding the under currents I was going through. After writing this post, I felt a little lighter and have become more stronger than before in terms of will power.
ReplyDeleteCuidate :)