NERVOUS BREAKDOWN

The 'Journey of Destiny' that was bestowed to me on the 12th of March 2010 has been flowing and leading to uncharted territories that I had never seen or experienced before. Life can be so challenging or unpredictable, one can never be so sure of! How these two years have gone by teaching me various lessons of life... I am really perplexed!

Living every single day 24 x 7 thinking and putting all my efforts have led my emotions and thinking changed to such an extent that I really fail to understand my Sai Baba's blessings and intention. As I have been telling since I started that I am just the medium for whatever my Sai is doing is HIS doing. I really have no control whatsoever in this journey. As humans, we often tend to think that it is US, who is doing and achieving things... well, it is all so wrong in thinking... but do we really have control on our thinking? NO!!!

On 25th February 2012, I decided to take a much needed long break to get away from the ground to become stable mentally, as I was suffering from sleepless nights since few weeks... worries that haunt every night to put me into a state of helplessness. I was heading to Punjab to meet my school friend Satpal Singh (who now resides in New York), who I was meeting after decades of separation. I have been waiting the moment with overwhelming anxiety to hug my dear friend... and on 26th evening, we did meet and I am really very-very grateful to Sai Baba for writing this meeting in my destiny! I was so happy because the occasion of his niece's wedding on 28th also coincided for us to meet... It was a joyful occasion at home and I was welcomed with warmth and love by one and all at home... indeed, it was an overwhelming moment.

Life will change so drastically in such a joyful atmosphere within a fraction of second, one will be shocked as I was part of a Punjabi wedding... where in joy, happiness and celebration are one of its kind! No one will become what I became to suffer a major 'Nervous Breakdown' after the day of the marriage... I really cannot describe the situation and the emotional trauma I suffered all of a sudden on 29th afternoon... I was feeling miserable as I couldn't eat anything because of the emotional journey... I wanted to be back in Wardha and be with the villagers... I requested my friend Satpal to please let me return back... he was speechless and wondered what had happened to me... tried his level best to understand and I was crying like a baby and all I was uttering to him was - 'Please let me return tomorrow...' on and on...

He understood the state of my being... and I am grateful he didn't stopped me... he said, 'No problem Johnny, you go and I will not stop... I can understand your state of mind and heart.' I was an emotional wreck and I know the world may think that I am 'mad'... so be it and I really don't care! I should have been ecstatic to meet my friend after so many years! I was ecstatic! But what I saw at the wedding celebration made me so miserable that I suffered the nervous breakdown. I just couldn't relate to all the wastage and how the world was living without any worries about future and hunger around the world of the poor. Please note that I have attended many Punjabi weddings of my friends earlier and I know exactly what all happens... but this time, it all seemed to me so-so disturbing that I am really unable to describe the feelings inside me...

I told everything to Satpal and he could relate to everything that I was telling... indeed it is a blessing to have such a wonderful understanding friend in one's life! With heavy heart and loads of worries in my mind, I bid them goodbye, much to my disliking on the 1st of March 2012... And when the time finally came, Satpal was really very-very kind to give me money for my movement... he said, 'just keep it, your movement needs them.' I don't have words to thank my dear friend who instead of getting upset was all the more concerned about me becoming alright... from Ludhiana to Delhi... the journey by bus was really difficult for me... but Satpal kept calling me every hour to check my condition... even though we were physically getting far from each other... his call made me feel that he was travelling by my side. Such great concern and bonding after decades of meeting... thank you Sai Baba for giving me such a wonderful friend in my life!

Satpal... you are a gem and yes, Parjai ji (Satpal's wife) I am grateful to you and your loving wonderful family for everything!  Sai Baba bless you all forever always!

The 'Journey of Destiny' continues from here to the unknown territory... how long it will take me to get alright... I really have no idea at all!